Top Ten Mistakes When Approaching Women
Posted by
Alexis
Labels:
approaching women,
pickup artists
By Vin DiCarlo
As a veteran pickup coach, I’ve seen it all…
I’ve seen guys who were short, scrawny, and nerdy-looking walk into a club and leave with the best looking girl in the place. I’ve seen good-looking, confident guys freeze up when I told them to approach, and then hide from me the rest of the night!
What I want to talk about today are the common mistakes I see when guys approach women.
Those first thirty seconds of conversation with a woman are crucial, and one mistake can ruin your chances of getting anywhere with her.
Now not every approach is going to be perfect - in fact NO approach will ever be, so give up on trying to be perfect. One thing I always tell guys is that I’m not the most fancy pickup artist, but I do the basics EXTREMELY well.
But what are these basics?
I know how confusing it can be when you read all the material out there - from books, to forum posts, to seminars…
Sometimes I think average guys have it easy because they don’t know how ignorant they are!
Guys who are trying to get better with women often suffer from paralysis of analysis - they have TOO MUCH
information. This can lead to all sorts of problems - the main one being that they don’t take action.
I know how that feels, believe me. I struggled for a long time with too much information. And then I let it all go, and had to start my journey all over again, learning completely on my own. But you know what? I’m glad I did.
And now I feel it’s not only a great way to make a living, it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to share what I’ve learned with guys who are struggling in this arena. So let me give you a rundown of the 10 most common mistakes I see guys making when they first approach a woman - and this isn’t just students - this applies to regular guys I observe when I go out.
1. He gives her a lame compliment
This is how most guys open - they say something typical, generic, and overly-approving, like
“You’re hot” or “you’re so beautiful” or “you’re fucking hot”
Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be direct, and I like giving women compliments.
But I make it specific, and I talk more about myself and what I think, rather than “what she is.”
For example, “that’s some laugh you got there…I heard you from across the bar.”
2. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink
The most common thing guys do is offer to buy a woman a drink.
The only time I’ll do this is if I’m getting a round for my buddies, and there’s a woman I want to meet close by - I’ll get her one too.
This is fun, social, and is not too approval-seeking, since I’m already spending money on my friends.
Guys will usually do some kind of favor for a woman, like giving up their chair, or buying her a drink, taking a picture of her.
I REFUSE to take pictures, unless I’m in them.
You don’t want to be serving and appeasing her, EVER. Especially in the first 30 seconds.
3. He approaches from a bad angle, or speaking too quietly
These two might seem different, but they are really flip-sides of the same coing:
You are afraid of making your presence felt.
What kind of message do you think that sends to a woman?
The WRONG one - primarily that you lack self-esteem and you probably suck in bed.
Walk right up to her and speak loudly - make her feel you!
4. He has bad eye contact
Some guys really struggle with eye contact, but it’s one of the main things women look for. A man who can look her in the eye and not flinch is essentially saying,
“I’m not afraid of you - I’m interested in you. I am offering something wonderful to you, and I fully intend on
giving it to you if you want it.”
5. He’s drunk and sloppy
There’s kind of a double standard here. Women often get really drunk and sloppy when they go out.
But if a drunk guy approaches them, he’s toaster strudel. It just looks bad when a man is out of control of himself - and this is exactly the main purpose alcohol serves - to make you lose self-control.
6. He doesn’t own his space
This is a really subtle sticking but a LOT of guys have it. When you stand or sit, you want to own your space, meaning you don’t want to confine your body to accommodate others. Acquiescing to others physically is a
sure-fire way to show a woman that you are scared, weak, and insecure.
You don’t have to sit with your arms spread out, or stand like a military sergeant.
You should be physically comfortable, and not hold your body in to accommodate other people - especially other guys.
7. He stalls out because he’s trying to say the right thing
This is HUGE - the most common mistake guys make. I harp on this in just about every newsletter, but I can’t say it enough…
Women are screening for one thing - are you trying to say the right thing to GET something from her?
They can tell so easily, because it’s the main thing they are looking for. And guess what - this focus does NOT serve you. Not only does it make you look like you’re trying to get something (sex) from her, it also stops your mind from flowing.
Here’s why.
You can’t ever guess what another person is thinking. So when you try to say the right thing, you’re second-guessing what that person wants to hear.
It’s almost always impossible, and will only stump you.
Stop trying to be smooth and say the right thing!
8. He doesn’t address her friends
A woman’s friends take top priority, at first. Woman usually have lots of very fickle, short-lived friendships.
One second they’ll declare “this is my GIRL! I LOVE her!”
The next day, it’s “oh my god she’s such a bitch, I’m over it.”
But in front of a guy she’s just met, she has to put her friends first. And if you try to talk to her without at
least acknowledging her friends and being friendly to them, you’ll look anti-social, and uncalibrated.
The whole thing will be awkward, and her friends will most likely drag her away.
9. He asks for her number too soon
A lot of times, guys will want to eject from the conversation because they don’t what else to talk about.
So they will just go for the number before it’s really appropriate. I think of a phone number as a reward I GIVE TO HER.
If she impresses me, I’ll decide that I like her enough to give her a call.
But you have to give her time to impress you - at least get her to express herself in some way that you can approve her for.
There’s one more piece here…
Don’t walk off right after she gives you her number - it makes you look like a player.
Talk about something you could do together, or just shoot the shit a little longer, then go back to your friends, or leave the venue.
10. He doesn’t touch her
What do you want with this woman? A sexual relationship!
So move in that direction from the VERY START. I cannot stress this point enough. Most guys who end up in the “Friend Zone” do so because they had FEAR of escalation and “played it safe”
It doesn’t mean that you need to take big risks, in fact, the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder shows you how to escalate in a smooth, safe manner…
…meanwhile making solid progress in your physical escalation.
Source : Grow Your Game
As a veteran pickup coach, I’ve seen it all…
I’ve seen guys who were short, scrawny, and nerdy-looking walk into a club and leave with the best looking girl in the place. I’ve seen good-looking, confident guys freeze up when I told them to approach, and then hide from me the rest of the night!
What I want to talk about today are the common mistakes I see when guys approach women.
Those first thirty seconds of conversation with a woman are crucial, and one mistake can ruin your chances of getting anywhere with her.
Now not every approach is going to be perfect - in fact NO approach will ever be, so give up on trying to be perfect. One thing I always tell guys is that I’m not the most fancy pickup artist, but I do the basics EXTREMELY well.
But what are these basics?
I know how confusing it can be when you read all the material out there - from books, to forum posts, to seminars…
Sometimes I think average guys have it easy because they don’t know how ignorant they are!
Guys who are trying to get better with women often suffer from paralysis of analysis - they have TOO MUCH
information. This can lead to all sorts of problems - the main one being that they don’t take action.
I know how that feels, believe me. I struggled for a long time with too much information. And then I let it all go, and had to start my journey all over again, learning completely on my own. But you know what? I’m glad I did.
And now I feel it’s not only a great way to make a living, it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to share what I’ve learned with guys who are struggling in this arena. So let me give you a rundown of the 10 most common mistakes I see guys making when they first approach a woman - and this isn’t just students - this applies to regular guys I observe when I go out.
1. He gives her a lame compliment
This is how most guys open - they say something typical, generic, and overly-approving, like
“You’re hot” or “you’re so beautiful” or “you’re fucking hot”
Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be direct, and I like giving women compliments.
But I make it specific, and I talk more about myself and what I think, rather than “what she is.”
For example, “that’s some laugh you got there…I heard you from across the bar.”
2. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink
The most common thing guys do is offer to buy a woman a drink.
The only time I’ll do this is if I’m getting a round for my buddies, and there’s a woman I want to meet close by - I’ll get her one too.
This is fun, social, and is not too approval-seeking, since I’m already spending money on my friends.
Guys will usually do some kind of favor for a woman, like giving up their chair, or buying her a drink, taking a picture of her.
I REFUSE to take pictures, unless I’m in them.
You don’t want to be serving and appeasing her, EVER. Especially in the first 30 seconds.
3. He approaches from a bad angle, or speaking too quietly
These two might seem different, but they are really flip-sides of the same coing:
You are afraid of making your presence felt.
What kind of message do you think that sends to a woman?
The WRONG one - primarily that you lack self-esteem and you probably suck in bed.
Walk right up to her and speak loudly - make her feel you!
4. He has bad eye contact
Some guys really struggle with eye contact, but it’s one of the main things women look for. A man who can look her in the eye and not flinch is essentially saying,
“I’m not afraid of you - I’m interested in you. I am offering something wonderful to you, and I fully intend on
giving it to you if you want it.”
5. He’s drunk and sloppy
There’s kind of a double standard here. Women often get really drunk and sloppy when they go out.
But if a drunk guy approaches them, he’s toaster strudel. It just looks bad when a man is out of control of himself - and this is exactly the main purpose alcohol serves - to make you lose self-control.
6. He doesn’t own his space
This is a really subtle sticking but a LOT of guys have it. When you stand or sit, you want to own your space, meaning you don’t want to confine your body to accommodate others. Acquiescing to others physically is a
sure-fire way to show a woman that you are scared, weak, and insecure.
You don’t have to sit with your arms spread out, or stand like a military sergeant.
You should be physically comfortable, and not hold your body in to accommodate other people - especially other guys.
7. He stalls out because he’s trying to say the right thing
This is HUGE - the most common mistake guys make. I harp on this in just about every newsletter, but I can’t say it enough…
Women are screening for one thing - are you trying to say the right thing to GET something from her?
They can tell so easily, because it’s the main thing they are looking for. And guess what - this focus does NOT serve you. Not only does it make you look like you’re trying to get something (sex) from her, it also stops your mind from flowing.
Here’s why.
You can’t ever guess what another person is thinking. So when you try to say the right thing, you’re second-guessing what that person wants to hear.
It’s almost always impossible, and will only stump you.
Stop trying to be smooth and say the right thing!
8. He doesn’t address her friends
A woman’s friends take top priority, at first. Woman usually have lots of very fickle, short-lived friendships.
One second they’ll declare “this is my GIRL! I LOVE her!”
The next day, it’s “oh my god she’s such a bitch, I’m over it.”
But in front of a guy she’s just met, she has to put her friends first. And if you try to talk to her without at
least acknowledging her friends and being friendly to them, you’ll look anti-social, and uncalibrated.
The whole thing will be awkward, and her friends will most likely drag her away.
9. He asks for her number too soon
A lot of times, guys will want to eject from the conversation because they don’t what else to talk about.
So they will just go for the number before it’s really appropriate. I think of a phone number as a reward I GIVE TO HER.
If she impresses me, I’ll decide that I like her enough to give her a call.
But you have to give her time to impress you - at least get her to express herself in some way that you can approve her for.
There’s one more piece here…
Don’t walk off right after she gives you her number - it makes you look like a player.
Talk about something you could do together, or just shoot the shit a little longer, then go back to your friends, or leave the venue.
10. He doesn’t touch her
What do you want with this woman? A sexual relationship!
So move in that direction from the VERY START. I cannot stress this point enough. Most guys who end up in the “Friend Zone” do so because they had FEAR of escalation and “played it safe”
It doesn’t mean that you need to take big risks, in fact, the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder shows you how to escalate in a smooth, safe manner…
…meanwhile making solid progress in your physical escalation.
Source : Grow Your Game
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 | 0 Comments
Dating Tips for Divorced Men
Posted by
Alexis
Labels:
dating for men
What do you do when you just went through a bitter divorce and now you find yourself on the single scene once again??
Where do you start?
How do you meet women again?
Do you know how to properly approach beautiful women? It seems that things have changed so much. How do you begin anew?
In my line of work, I get all sorts of clients and inevitably some of the men are divorced guys looking to work the single scenes, except they have no idea where to begin. It's been a quite a while since they hit the bar scene with the fellas and approached girls and now, what perhaps used to be second nature, feels a bit foreign.
It seems as if the times have changed so much. Some guys feel like they got lucky to meet the girl they married the first time as they were never very good at attracting women to begin with. Oh, what will they do now??
Now, I have to be honest with you. I have never been divorced. Then again, that may be because I have never been married either. My job is to help guys from all walks of life meet women, build attraction, and have a successful dating life. My job is to help men attract women. Whether you plan to get married again or not is none of my business.
If you have been out of the scene for a while, you need to become acclimated into the single scene once again.
Now, I am going to lay out a specific 10 Step program to enable you to effectively join the single scene again and start attracting more women.
STEP 1- Attitude readjustment
It all starts with your ATTITUDE. This is the first step!
You have to make a decision. I can give you all sorts of dating advice but it won't do you any good until you decide that you want to get this part of your life handled.
So you have a choice: You have a choice. You can stand around, snivel, gripe and complain about how times have changed, about how different things are now, OR you can decide NOW to start attracting a wonderful (women) into your life. If you are reading through this article, perhaps you have already made this decision!
Take this timeto celebrate your freedom! Chances are if you were married for 15 or 20 years, you were institutionalized, sort of like the character of "Brooks" from the classic movie "The Shawshank Redemption." If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what I am talking about. "Brooks" from Shawshank wanted to choose staying in a sadistic and brutal prison rather than celebrate a freedom that came with uncertainty.
When you were married, things made sense even if the circumstances were atrocious. Now, things suddenly do not make sense and this is a scary feeling.
This is a temporary state! You must realize that this shall pass. You're not the first man to become divorced, nor are you the last.
In fact 60% of marriages end up in a divorce in some parts of the country so you're in pretty good company.
Adjust your attitude. Start to realize that you have just opened the door to a world of new possibilities. The door of new possibilities has just been opened, and you ought to celebrate your new found freedom.
STEP 2- Burn your old clothes. Time for a makeover
Look, I know it's possible that you were already a sharp dresser. Anything is possible!! We live in a country that lets Geraldo on TV! In my experience, however, most men have no clue how to dress properly and when it comes to married men, forget about it.
In my experience, most married men I meet, have settled into a comfort zone where the sweatshirt over plain pants look has become their calling card. If you are back on the single scene, it'd help if you started to once again take care of your appearance. It's time to a grab a few new outfits, a pair of new shoes, and do some grooming.
I understand how basic this sounds but you may be astounded as to how many guys I come across who fail their basic grooming. Just make sure your hair (don't care if it's completely shaved or in a pompadour,) your beard/goatee, looks like it's been cared for.
Good Breath is on top of this list. The problem is most people including many of your buddies won't tell you that you have bad breath. They'll just run away. Our first step is to make certain that we are taking care of the basics.
Change the way you dress, start grooming, and look presentable. Look like you know you're in demand!
STEP 3- Start Approaching
Make an effort to approach more women and grow your social circle. You have to start socializing more with women as well as more men. Most married couples hang out with other married couples, talk about babies, fight over bills, and watch reruns of Law & Order.
It's needless to say that regardless of the conversational topics, this particular social circle isn't going to introduce you to as many single women as you'd like to meet. Hence, it'd be very wise to start creating new social circles that include single people, or at the very least, people in relationships who are still in touch with the single world.
You must realize that this takes some effort on your part. You ought to start initiating conversations with more women everywhere you go. The first thought that pops into the head of a lot of men is hitting the bar and club scene. Depending on your age, taste, likes and dislikes, you may not be a bar/club guy. That's certainly understandable.
You can still make an effort to approach women during your daily activities which could range from supermarket and coffee-shops to various classes, clubs, and the gym.
You also may want to give online personals a try. I'd only advise you to utilize the personals as a supplemental means to meet women, not as your only means to meet new women.
STEP 4- Start exercising again
I am being a bit presumptuous here. If you're doing it already, that's fantastic. Most married guys start growing horizontally. Exercise will make you FEEL better physically, emotionally, and mentally. It will also boost your self-confidence which is of the utmost importance! As a bonus, joining a gym will enable you to meet new people, women as well as men. (Not to mention that it will improve your physical appearance.)
This is not a ploy to pick up women. You'll feel better because of it!
STEP 5- Establishing New networks
Look to create a network of single friends who really enjoy going out and meeting women. Nothing would probably encourage you more to actually enjoy going out and meeting women more than surrounding yourself with a few guys who like to have a good time and socialize.
Hanging with introverts who want to sit home and maybe play a card game or two is not going to help you meet more women. If you are going to hang with guys like that, then make sure you balance it with hanging with a few animals who want to hit the outdoor life.
OK, we are half way there. Part 2 of this article covers the next 5 steps that will enable you to attract desirable women. Please continue to the next section.
Wishing you the bestHealth Fitness Articles,
Cameron Teone
About the Author
Cameron Teone has taught dating seminars and workshops all over the world. His focus is on helping men meet and attract suitable women. He is the author of Building Attraction Secrets. You can read more about him at Dating Advice for Men
Where do you start?
How do you meet women again?
Do you know how to properly approach beautiful women? It seems that things have changed so much. How do you begin anew?
In my line of work, I get all sorts of clients and inevitably some of the men are divorced guys looking to work the single scenes, except they have no idea where to begin. It's been a quite a while since they hit the bar scene with the fellas and approached girls and now, what perhaps used to be second nature, feels a bit foreign.
It seems as if the times have changed so much. Some guys feel like they got lucky to meet the girl they married the first time as they were never very good at attracting women to begin with. Oh, what will they do now??
Now, I have to be honest with you. I have never been divorced. Then again, that may be because I have never been married either. My job is to help guys from all walks of life meet women, build attraction, and have a successful dating life. My job is to help men attract women. Whether you plan to get married again or not is none of my business.
If you have been out of the scene for a while, you need to become acclimated into the single scene once again.
Now, I am going to lay out a specific 10 Step program to enable you to effectively join the single scene again and start attracting more women.
STEP 1- Attitude readjustment
It all starts with your ATTITUDE. This is the first step!
You have to make a decision. I can give you all sorts of dating advice but it won't do you any good until you decide that you want to get this part of your life handled.
So you have a choice: You have a choice. You can stand around, snivel, gripe and complain about how times have changed, about how different things are now, OR you can decide NOW to start attracting a wonderful (women) into your life. If you are reading through this article, perhaps you have already made this decision!
Take this timeto celebrate your freedom! Chances are if you were married for 15 or 20 years, you were institutionalized, sort of like the character of "Brooks" from the classic movie "The Shawshank Redemption." If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what I am talking about. "Brooks" from Shawshank wanted to choose staying in a sadistic and brutal prison rather than celebrate a freedom that came with uncertainty.
When you were married, things made sense even if the circumstances were atrocious. Now, things suddenly do not make sense and this is a scary feeling.
This is a temporary state! You must realize that this shall pass. You're not the first man to become divorced, nor are you the last.
In fact 60% of marriages end up in a divorce in some parts of the country so you're in pretty good company.
Adjust your attitude. Start to realize that you have just opened the door to a world of new possibilities. The door of new possibilities has just been opened, and you ought to celebrate your new found freedom.
STEP 2- Burn your old clothes. Time for a makeover
Look, I know it's possible that you were already a sharp dresser. Anything is possible!! We live in a country that lets Geraldo on TV! In my experience, however, most men have no clue how to dress properly and when it comes to married men, forget about it.
In my experience, most married men I meet, have settled into a comfort zone where the sweatshirt over plain pants look has become their calling card. If you are back on the single scene, it'd help if you started to once again take care of your appearance. It's time to a grab a few new outfits, a pair of new shoes, and do some grooming.
I understand how basic this sounds but you may be astounded as to how many guys I come across who fail their basic grooming. Just make sure your hair (don't care if it's completely shaved or in a pompadour,) your beard/goatee, looks like it's been cared for.
Good Breath is on top of this list. The problem is most people including many of your buddies won't tell you that you have bad breath. They'll just run away. Our first step is to make certain that we are taking care of the basics.
Change the way you dress, start grooming, and look presentable. Look like you know you're in demand!
STEP 3- Start Approaching
Make an effort to approach more women and grow your social circle. You have to start socializing more with women as well as more men. Most married couples hang out with other married couples, talk about babies, fight over bills, and watch reruns of Law & Order.
It's needless to say that regardless of the conversational topics, this particular social circle isn't going to introduce you to as many single women as you'd like to meet. Hence, it'd be very wise to start creating new social circles that include single people, or at the very least, people in relationships who are still in touch with the single world.
You must realize that this takes some effort on your part. You ought to start initiating conversations with more women everywhere you go. The first thought that pops into the head of a lot of men is hitting the bar and club scene. Depending on your age, taste, likes and dislikes, you may not be a bar/club guy. That's certainly understandable.
You can still make an effort to approach women during your daily activities which could range from supermarket and coffee-shops to various classes, clubs, and the gym.
You also may want to give online personals a try. I'd only advise you to utilize the personals as a supplemental means to meet women, not as your only means to meet new women.
STEP 4- Start exercising again
I am being a bit presumptuous here. If you're doing it already, that's fantastic. Most married guys start growing horizontally. Exercise will make you FEEL better physically, emotionally, and mentally. It will also boost your self-confidence which is of the utmost importance! As a bonus, joining a gym will enable you to meet new people, women as well as men. (Not to mention that it will improve your physical appearance.)
This is not a ploy to pick up women. You'll feel better because of it!
STEP 5- Establishing New networks
Look to create a network of single friends who really enjoy going out and meeting women. Nothing would probably encourage you more to actually enjoy going out and meeting women more than surrounding yourself with a few guys who like to have a good time and socialize.
Hanging with introverts who want to sit home and maybe play a card game or two is not going to help you meet more women. If you are going to hang with guys like that, then make sure you balance it with hanging with a few animals who want to hit the outdoor life.
OK, we are half way there. Part 2 of this article covers the next 5 steps that will enable you to attract desirable women. Please continue to the next section.
Wishing you the bestHealth Fitness Articles,
Cameron Teone
About the Author
Cameron Teone has taught dating seminars and workshops all over the world. His focus is on helping men meet and attract suitable women. He is the author of Building Attraction Secrets. You can read more about him at Dating Advice for Men
Thursday, January 22, 2009 | 0 Comments
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